WaMu Suffers Least Damaging Fraud in Bank’s History
In an attempt to move my several financial accounts to a single bank, I opened a new pair of checking and savings accounts with WaMu.
Banks continually monitor their accounts with a variety of automatic tools designed to detect fraudulent activity. I managed to inadvertently trip WaMu’s fraud detection system, a system which is — quite literally — too sophisticated to realize that I stole precisely $0 from them.
The scheme works (I am informed) like this: Open a new account at a bank. Deposit a check into the new account. Withdraw all the money from the new account as cash. Then ask the bank operating the funding account place a stop payment order on the check you wrote to the new account. Presto, free money.
I wouldn’t have been able to dream up this scheme myself, for one simple reason: I would never have imagined that such a thing could actually work! This fraud can only succeed because the bank allows customers to take money out of their account before the money is truly, irreversibly in their account. The solution to this problem seems so obvious to me that I can barely believe the problem exists in the first place. WaMu’s solution, however, is to close the account after the fraud occurs and blacklist the offender.
Back to my own fraudulent activity. I opened an account at WaMu and deposited a check (written from me to me) to transfer money from one of my other accounts. Except that I miscalculated the amount I had free in the funding account (I, like most mathematicians, cannot perform arithmetic); realizing my error, I placed a stop payment order on the check to avoid overdrawing my old account. As you can see, I followed the fraudster’s plan to the letter, except for one small detail: I forgot to actually remove the money from the WaMu account. The result of my negligence is that I made off with a grand total of $0. What can I say? I’m a failure as a thief.
A chap working at a local WaMu branch made an earnest effort to sort the mess out. He spent about half an hour on the phone explaining to increasingly senior employees that I hadn’t stole any money from WaMu. His efforts, however, were in vain; I am now blacklisted by WaMu and cannot, I am told, ever bank with them again.
Almost makes me wish I had absconded with the money when I had the chance.
Lucky! I’ve always wanted to be blacklisted from something (my attempts to eat too much at an all you can eat chinese buffet have ended in failure). And here you do it without even trying. It’s not fair I tell you.
If I remember correctly, you did take Prof. Benjamin’s games & gambling class. Surely, there must be an Indian casino in Nebraska. Just brush up your card-counting skills, find the nearest blackjack table, and don’t bother being too subtle about your betting patterns. I wager your dream will come true in a hurry.
I did take that class, and I think there is Indian gambling in Nebraska. Though to be a real threat to the casino I’d need some capital to work with. Would you mind stealing some more — I mean, of course you are innocent.
BTW, Debbie pointed out you might be more suspicious given you changed your name recently …