Letter of Complaint
Who doesn’t love complaining? The world is full of madness which verily begs to be criticized, lambasted, excoriated, scarified, and said bad things about. In addition, complaining relieves stress and thereby promotes a long, healthy life! Unless, of course, the target of your tongue-lashing decides to retaliate. And for this reason, it generally is not a good idea to relieve one’s stress upon spouses, friends, or mafiosos. Towards whom, then, should we direct our abuse?
Big, faceless corporations make particularly suitable targets. Contrary to popular belief, most big companies are not unstoppable monsters who eat squashed little people on their sandwiches. In fact, big public companies tend to be pretty desperate to give us whatever we want (though “we” often ends up being the lowest common denominator).
“But wait!”, you say, “what satisfication can be had from tossing a letter of complaint into the void of some PR department?” That, dear reader, is what blogs are for. Without further preamble, here is a letter which I wrote to Starbucks. They print really bland quotes on their coffee cups. I wrote this some time ago, but it is quite hilarious, and my friends encouraged me to put it up on the web.
In case you’re curious, someone did read the letter (though I suspect it was a PR monkey and not their vice-president). To my complaint of bland quotes, I received a bland letter of response. And their coffee hasn’t gotten any cheaper, either.
I am amused. That is all.